Who will win the battle, who will be the survivor, who will be the last on standing………………………
Having Endo is like having an inner battle with myself. This morning I woke up I felt completely drained and in so much pain that for the first time in a while I felt like going to see my GP and say Endo has won, sign me off work.
As I walked to the bathroom every step was so heavy and took so much energy to co-ordinate walking never mind getting myself organised for my working day. My body is telling me I need to rest, listen to your body it is broken, yet my mind is telling me Don’t, Don’t give in, fight this, you know when you get on with your day you will get through it and feel a sense of accomplishment that you didn’t give in.
Don’t give in to endo, my mind is telling me, this is what it wants, this is when I started to chuckle to myself, as I imagined the scene from aliens where the alien explodes out of her stomach. This is exactly what I feel about endo right now; my insides are so painful that it feels like my insides are going to explode. I started to imagine these little endo goblins jumping out of me laughing and taunting me that they had won.
One thing I strive on is being strong and not giving in which I feel it is a battle of the wills between ME and Endo and I can stand here to today and say that today I won and not endo, it may have impacted on me at some points during the day but I still went to work and did what I had to do.
During the day a colleague asked me how I was and how things were going. We chatted about Endometriosis and what I go through each day and their response reminded me of who I am as a person. They explained that they could not imagine what I go through each day, yet come into work and act as nothing is wrong and supporting others with a smile on your face. We talked a little about endometriosis, the treatments and outlook of this condition, and yes it may be somewhat bleak but there is still hope of finding the cause and hopefully one day a cure.
After this conversation I did smile to myself as this morning I was ready to give in but I listened to my mind and fought Endo, I was strong and pushed through the pain and it was worth it. It is a battle of the wills, but I will survive and I will be the last one standing because Endo will not beat me.
Finally I want to say thank you to my colleague for today as you have made me realise how strong I am 🙂