On Monday I had my GYN outpatient appointment. I was looking forward to attending this appointment to find out when and who will be carrying out my surgery. As I was sat in the waiting area for some reason nerves started to kick in and I couldn’t stop shaking, don’t know why but something just did not feel right.

My name was called where I was taking down to get weighed as per norm then my partner joined me in the consultants room. It was not my usual consultant in which alarm bells started to ring in my head that this is not going to be as straight forward as I thought.

The consultant explained that she has been reading through my case notes and asked me for an update  I explained that after being discharged from hospital in June a referral was sent through to my consultant for urgent surgery, also the results of my blood tests that I had to have re done as on test came back as elevated.

The consultant explained that my CA125 levels had raised again which she wanted this to be tested again. She explained that IVF will have to be on hold until they sort out my Endometriosis again. She went onto explained that she is referring my case to oncology MDT team who will now be taken over my case and performing my surgery. During this she explained that she will be referring me for an urgent ultrasound scan and MRI to see where the cysts are positioned which she went onto explain that there is a risk of losing my only ovary in which there will be nothing further they can do in relation to IVF.

At this point I broke down, I could hold in what I was feeling, I felt that it was all over the chances of me having my own child has been taking away completely. My mind was all over the place and I couldn’t even think about any questions I wanted to ask, I just wanted to get out of there. I was heartbroken.

I couldn’t stop crying, I just couldn’t believe what had been said, it didn’t feel real and even now 6 days on it still seems unreal, my last chance of having my own child slipping away. I have so many questions that I wished I had asked but now have to wait until my next appointment in 4 weeks time.

Having time to myself and with the current pain of Endometriosis I feel defeated and lost, my whole life has been turned upside down and the fight is slowly slipping away